The Fragile Sanctity of Being Female

A very good article by Antra Sharma, published in The Wire in September 2020, followed by the 3 comments that were published afterwards (all 3 by me):

The Fragile Sanctity of Being Female

Antra Sharma September 1, 2020

The process of news reading is not a leisurely activity when the news is dismal enough that “good news” needs its own channels, as if in contradiction. Amidst the usual pall of gloom that has descended on the globe, there are cases, bigger and tougher to cure than a virus.

Police brutality was caught by the throat in America, Lebanon suffered a scaled loss at the cost of deadly corruption, Belarus is paying the price of Russia losing a battle against the human desire for freedom. Running along (or under) these, is a silent humanitarian struggle that burns at the altar of all times, compromised or not – crimes against women.

Closer home, on August 11, three reporters from The Caravan visited Northeast Delhi to investigate a claim that three local Muslim women were sexually assaulted at the local police station. The reporters were taking photos of saffron flags when they were attacked by a mob of locals. The only woman reporter managed to get away, but was soon surrounded herself. According to her testimony:

“The men, who looked to be in their early twenties, began taking photos and videos of her, and ‘making cheap and lewd comments and started saying, Dikhao, dikhao’ (Show, show). As she walked away, ‘a middle-aged man in a dhoti and a white t-shirt, with a bald head and a slim pony-tail stood in front of me… He then opened his dhoti and exposed his genitals while looking at me. He proceeded to shake his [genitals] with his hand and started making objectionable and lewd expressions, while laughing at me.’”

The 21st century has seen women step out as independent beings, pursuing dreams built of their own accord. There’s something novel about this situation, where women are not just business leaders, political office holders, running newsletters, but most importantly, are using these platforms to represent the community as a whole.

It isn’t unnatural that we have an entire society circumspect of this wave. It would be strange if tradition had taken to this change lying down. Questioning and criticism are healthy pursuits in a democracy. You can answer questions and counter criticism with logical arguments in a healthy debate. But how do you fight resistance that is fuelled by an inflated ego, nursed over centuries of use and abuse?

The human love for status quo is not new. Alongside other identities like caste, colour, creed, religion, male superiority has similarly been a preserved legacy of hierarchy. So the uplifting of women is seen not simply as a change in the status quo, but as a disruption that comes at the cost of the all-we’ve-ever-known knowledge of ‘female submission’ to men. And that probably explains the reason why men are so threatened by this shift in the spirit of women everywhere. From workplaces to household responsibilities to partnership equations, women are rising up the ranks to ask for an equal space. But society won’t have it. So we have suppression, oppression and pushback in overt and covert ways.

The idea of honour continues to be the most common and also almost the strongest weapon in this battle. And the most evident manifestation of this idea is the female body. Assault the female body and you have not only successfully traumatised a being into forceful fear, but have also managed to avenge the enemy that the woman “belongs to”.

If this wasn’t atrocious enough, we also have the most bizarre form of violation – one where a woman is assaulted not by inflicting visible harm upon her, but by exposing another being’s genitals that could potentially destroy her modesty.

In a single stroke of flashing their penises, men intend to shame and threaten. The idea being sold here is that the penis is stronger than the vagina, because male is stronger than female. A flash is to spark a dread in the woman – of what the penis could possibly do to her physically, and as a result, empty her claim and ability to lead a life worth living.

This happens in metros, locals, restaurants, bars, hotels, poolsides, beaches, and any other “public spaces for all”. Yet there is something increasingly disconcerting and odd about these instances. Imagine a sanctity made so fragile that the sight of the opposite sex’s body part can be used to assault another from afar.

Women don’t typically build cases out of these instances. There are not many FIRs against men flashing women. Because the honour at stake is the woman’s – the only honour that matters. These instances serve as horrifying reminders of the fact that this honour is not awarded to women as the keepers of societal principles, but used as a trump card to oust them from society using these very man-made principles.

They serve as disturbing reinforcements that whether it is her body or his that is exposed, it is only she who needs to fear. They serve as lasting signs that if the oppressed design ways to raise a voice, the oppressor will evolve its manner of oppression – in competition with its own self.

The power play behind this act and its ability to freeze women in their tracks underlines the fact that this is a long fight to uproot systemic beliefs. I’m not sure how long this battle will last, but I do know that the rise of one will require and depend on a disruption of another – in this case, that of normative male superiority.

Antra Sharma is a researcher with Gartner, a research and advisory firm. She spends most of her free time reading and writing, with a limited desire to formalise the two leisurely habits.

Comment 1:

Beautiful article. The decision to defend with one's own body, human dignity and values, by choosing to be the one that will be offended by the immodest display of sexual organs, and therefore to be the keeper of the humanity of both sides, is suggested by the article as what makes a woman. If no one is offended then there is no offense. But the denial of human modesty is a loss of dignity. Therefore someone has to be offended if the human dignity (of both sides) has to be re-asserted and defended. This article suggests many other questions, like, is it a female attitude - and is it legitimate - for a man to be offended by a covert sexual provocation in a public place, like a molestation by a woman in a crowded metro? This seems to be a matter of choice. You take the responsibility to be offended - which is the only real way to take note that a breach has been done, which is damaging to everyone's dignity - or not. This comes at a cost. You can't take this responsibility without placing yourself, with your own body, in a relationship of power. First you take responsibility, then you realise there is a cost, and you become subject in a relationship of power. So you have to think in terms of power, because bodies are here, physically present, and you cannot wish them away. To identify the moment when power comes into play is important. It is the very moment someone takes responsibility. If you identify power with physical coercion you never find its origin. You find that it was always there, from the very beginning. Even and especially when no one was aware that power could even exist, or could be talked about. Unconscious power is the most intransigent and most insensitive power. But if no one is aware of power, does it still exist? Does it make sense to talk about what no one is aware exists? So we are not really talking about physical power, which origin we cannot find because it has always been there since the beginning, but of moral power, which appears just at the moment someone takes responsibility, and accepts the cost associated with it which is to be subjected to this power, and to start fighting it. This taking of responsibility is indistinguishable from defending human values. Ignoring this responsibility can make you a rapist, not because you decided to become one, but because you didn't decide to not become one. And this refusal of responsibility acts both ways, by relieving you from the responsibility to be offended by an agression - which out of lazyness or doubt, for example you chose to ignore - and by obscuring your possibility of yourself becoming a rapist. So if this taking responsibility is a female quality, an interesting question would be, what could be a male quality? Women's re-invention of themselves should push men to also re-invent themselves. This necessarily involves placing oneself in the other's shoes, understanding the male and female qualities in oneself and others.
Laurent Fournier
Kolkata

Comment 2:

It would be interesting to analyse the historical relationship between women and men, in different parts of the world, not just as a competition for power (most common assumption of those who write on the subject) or as an arrangement of convenience, a practical and efficient division of labour (second most-common assumption), showing that we are not yet past Darwin and Marx.

Yet this article, most remarquably in its title, points to something else. Who exactly is asked to respect the "sanctity" of women? Obviously, men. It is evident in the article that women are not asked to respect the sanctity of women. Either they do it automatically or it's not as important as men doing that, let's not examine the possible justifications of this implication, but just observe this point: This article essentially, in a very remarquable and beautiful way, makes a demand towards men in general, in the name of women in general. The general level at which this demand is formulated is highlighted by the use of the expression "being female". And further, the beauty of the article is in that it shows how this demand can guard the humanity of both, men and women.

So we should now read the relationship between men and women, and the multiple historical and geographical variations of this relationship, in a more interesting light than the rather mechanical and impoverished Darwinian or Marxian worldviews. We can read the multiple forms of this relationship in a context where the desire, and most crucially, the desire of the other and not one's own, plays the central role. Creativity, love and responsibility are suddenly re-introduced. Beauty is not a separate, abstract or imaginary entity, it is the reality of this world. A world where desire is a path to liberation and not to subjugation is not really explained by Darwin or Marx, but better by Deleuze (who had a huge respect for both).

Laurent Fournier

Comment 3:

This article also sheds a new light on the metoo movement. It is a demand of women towards men. The discussions about "not all men", or "there are women abuser also" are besides the point. Everyone is agreed, men and women, that this is a demand from women in general to men in general. This demand says, in fact shouts out loudly, in a great variety of tones and languages: "You are worth more than that!" Like this article by Antra Sharma exactly says, with a great clarity. You are worth more than that. More than what you are doing, more than what you believe you should be doing, more than what you believe you are. It is a stunning declaration. Someone who believe in you more than you believe in yourself. I mean, in a concrete, material way. Metoo is not a matter of vague ideals. It is always rooted in material facts and always says: "You are worth more than that!"

The only way a man accused of metoo can take this, is as a declaration of love. Not a glamorous romantic love but a deeply real one, a material one, the only one that matters, the only one that exists in fact.

In arguments between the metoo victims and perpetrators there is always a competition for interpretation of one's and the other's thoughts, similar to the thought process of Jacques Derrida. And in this process, like in Derrida's, the one who wins is the one who raises higher the level of humanity of both sides. (As Derrida said, the only thing that can't be deconstructed is justice).

It is a usual paradox that things appear in the conscience the very moment they are disappearing or weakening.

Men have always been what women wanted and vice-versa, and it is now that there is a demand for everyone to take primary responsibility in what we are and not take shelter behind social norms, that we realise that.

As Brenée Brown humoristically exclaimed: "Holy Shit! I am the patriarchy!"

Demand for individual responsibility which is also probably linked to the greater recognition of "gender fluidity".

We enter in uncharted territory where cross-desire is not alone to rule anymore, but also cross-responsibility.

Laurent Fournier