The 4 forms of expression of love

Annelies Bruell;

The four forms of expression of love

The question: "How can we recognize the work of destiny in our children and in our co-workers?" and the question that comes next, "How can we ourselves become an instrument for them to fulfill their destiny in a positive way?" can be approached in multiple ways.

I have chosen as a red thread through this labyrinth of possibilities the four forms of expression of the love that is woven between beings. What inner knowledge of destiny can these four manifestations of love give, and what happens on a therapeutic level when we consciously implement any of these four forms of love.

I will begin by describing these four forms: Eros – Storgè – Philia – Agapè.

Eros is that form which emanates from another being and touches my own inner being. Eros is magical. It is perfectly well expressed in Schuré's "Sacred Drama of Eleusis". Persephone is seated in a cave embroidering flowers and inanimate animals on a veil, when Eros comes to tempt her outward by touching the earth with the tip of his arrow, thus calling to life a sweet-smelling flower. Eros is love of the senses, love awakened from without. The love power of Eros is related to sense impressions which can be transformed into life-filled soul forces.

Storgè is the love that takes care, the gaze towards the other, the guardian. Storgè reveals a quality of soul that allows me to relate to those around me in the right way. This is why Storgè for an old person is different from Storgè for an infant, and everything else is Storgè for the earth. When we cultivate Storgè in ourselves right habits take hold; the gestures found in the love of the child for his grandparents, of the father for his son; but also in the love we have for our garden, our tools, our furniture, our clothes. Of course, we find here "the devotion to detail", the irradiation of our soul forces in all our surroundings. Perhaps the purest expression of Storgè can be found in the farmer who, despite wars and catastrophes, plows the earth and plants his seeds.

Philia referred to here should not be confused with the Philia of "Mystery Dramas". Philia is the love that lives in the friendship born of concern for another human being. In the reciprocity of this love one acquires an intimate knowledge of the other, allowing oneself to bear fruit through this friendship, but remaining completely oneself in its specificity. The soul of the other resonates, we hear it. A very fine example of this love-Philia is the friendship that united Goethe and Schiller.

Agape is the most spiritual form of love, barely perceptible physically. The person must take one more step. She was awakened from without, she nurtured and protected, she lovingly watched the souls of others. It must now turn into a disinterested receptacle. Through the power of Agape we need to create a free inner space, in which the inner being of the other can appear. I have to open myself inside so that "You" can live in me. Isn't Saint John leaning over Jesus' chest an archetypal image of this love?

When one begins to feel the different characteristics of these four aspects of love, one also feels the connection of each with the physical body, the etheric body, the astral body and the self. Or, if we start from the human soul, their link with the soul of sensitivity, the soul of heart, the soul of reason and the soul of conscience.

In these lectures on karma, Rudolf Steiner talks about two basic moral dispositions that must be observed by anyone who wants to study karma. I will add that these are the basic conditions for anyone who turns his mind to the fate of his fellows. These predispositions are: respect and the absence of fear.

Respect is the delicate and timid attitude of the soul that marvels at the secrets of the universe, woven like threads from a distant past into the present life.

When, as pedagogue-curative and socio-therapist, we turn actively towards the destiny of a person, we must be filled with courage, we cannot be held back by fear. Because if in all sincerity we turn to the destiny of a child entrusted to us, we immediately realize our own weaknesses, our failures, our hidden desires; it's a dull and very uncomfortable feeling. We need soul courage to look through the illusions and masks that hide reality from us. In the series – Eros, Storgè, Philia, Agapè – at the level of Eros respect is the teacher and courage the companion, at the level of Agape boldness becomes the guide and respect is the discreet and faithful companion.

I would like to show more precisely using a few examples of how these four forms of love work.

1) What happens in the life of a small child if Eros, sensual love has no place? Do we not see present before our eyes these innumerable children already old, gray and sclerotic? Their faces are withered and starved because the joy of the senses has not been given to them. Their senses have never been awakened. I am not speaking only of the senses of the environment, sense of heat, of taste, of smell of sight, the senses of maya and of beauty, but especially of the lower senses. These children have never been cuddled, never felt the happiness of the sense of movement. The higher senses, especially the sense of thought and the sense of self of others, were not experienced through human contact. Radio, TV, cassettes had replaced them.

The second question that should preoccupy us whenever we turn to one of the four aspects of love is: "What happens if the educator consciously acts with one of these four aspects of love?"

What happens when the educator stimulates his own love of the senses? Dr. Lorenz said at a conference that one can "develop the understanding of karma without clairvoyance by the impressions of our senses alone."

In the realm of love-Eros this means that I open myself internally to the other; that with awareness I receive the messages transmitted to me by my five ordinary senses, as well as by my higher senses.

Every characteristic of the child speaks to me intensely: his light, tiptoe gait, his energetic step that rushes forward, his gesture of always wanting to cling to things and people, his fingers wide open and spread, his mania for pulling up his pants, his slight hesitation that punctuates the end of each of his sentences...

If the curative pedagogues welcome each of these sensory revelations with respect, with astonishment, then there will awaken in them a true knowledge of the heart and not an intellectual interpretation – this has one meaning, that another. Their sense of thought will unite all of these separate sensory observations into one meaningful whole.

As teachers of future healing pedagogues we will have accomplished a great task when students, enlivened and sensitized by artistic work, can be filled with wonder before a child, wondering how his individuality can master such a sick body. Through this attitude of wonder, an instinctive knowledge will awaken in everyone to perceive where and how they can begin to complete what is missing in the development of the child.

The importance of the responsibility of the educator is clearly expressed in these words of Rudolf Steiner: "Sensory experiences form the organs of the child".

2) What nourishment do we bring to the child through love-Storgè? We structure his earthly home, the envelopes in which the child must live. We help the child fulfill his destiny in his own body, in his own environment; When, in our centers, we establish right habits, the child can be helped to reinforce his envelopes, he penetrates himself with regular rhythms of life, with repetitions; The characteristic of Eros was "to awaken", that of Storgè is to "let grow".

In our centers in Scotland, we receive a very special type of child: although they received a lot of affection from their parents, they nevertheless grew up without any Storgè love. If one visits parents at home, one finds oneself in a room without any warmth or comfort, there is no furniture; the TV is in a corner, there is no table or chairs; everyone sits down. Children from such backgrounds are often open and naive, warm and affectionate, but at the age of puberty they have enormous social problems. They get sucked into sexuality and have no control over themselves. They could not consolidate their envelopes through righteous social habits; the rising force of astrality springs forth unopposed in their physical functions.

What does the curative pedagogue do when consciously acting with Storgè love? We have seen that wonder was the teacher of Eros; Storgè can be deepened when we ask ourselves the question: "what do the objects and tools around us represent for us, in ourselves? That is: how does a broom ask to be handled? What kinds of attention do silk and linen require? What makes a saw always sharp for woodworking? ". We then become attentive to habits of use. This requires us to bring our soul to life in the objects we use.  Compassion, that is to say, to make our soul live in what a person expresses, is, in a certain way, only one facet of this attitude of soul.

Perhaps it can be said that our efforts to vivify Storgè love allow the ether of life to sparkle in our environment.

3) Philia love guides us to the heart of the soul; With Philia we take into ourselves the other in his ordinary soul form, in what we call his persona. Many children come to us from neat surroundings where everything seems to sparkle with cleanliness, and yet these children seem empty; the beauty of seasonal festivals, concerts, plays, leaves them indifferent. Often it can be noticed that after some time living with us, they become particularly attached to an adult and, thanks to this human bond, their withered soul begins to live. It is not fair to say that children only come to us because they need us: we need them and their need; In this reciprocity of need for each other, a Philia gift of love is offered to the whole world.

All young people at the age of puberty reject the love of Eros and the love of Storgè of their parents, but with what timidity they solicit the charms of Philia. Who does not recognize this story of a young girl who, after a superb scene and angry words spoken against her mother, having obtained money to buy her clothes herself, goes for the first time to buy her clothes alone and shyly on the way back, she asks her father, "Say, do you like my new blouse?".

What process does the educator engage in when with Philia love he bends down to all the slight anomalies that live in the souls of these children: the disjointed thoughts, the oversights, the non-completion of actions? etc... He discovers that under certain conditions, he has exactly these same problems. His sense of responsibility, his conscience tells him: only by striving to overcome these weaknesses in yourself will you generate the strengths that will help the child to overcome them also in them. This induces that the soul of the child can resonate more harmoniously. What lives in the instinctive behavior of the child, in his character, his temperament, is guided to a more harmonious melody when the educator tries to create a balance by his own efforts. Again it is possible for us to cautiously turn our gaze to the work of the ether of Son.

Eros – Awaken; Storgè – let grow; Philia – Balance

4) Agape love does not focus like Philia on what the Healing Pedagogy Course calls "the superficial part of the soul" where the persona lives, but it allows the child or adult to experience of his true being.

In current schools of psychology, there are very interesting reflections on this Agape-love. D. Winicot, for example in his essay "The Mirror Role of the Mother" describes the first smile of the child, and goes on to say that the child does not smile at his mother, but at the image of the baby that the mother carries in her soul. It is like a first confirmation of oneself.

Similarly, in current counseling centres, the essential contribution of therapists is no longer their own interpretation, but consists of offering a mirror that allows parents to get to know themselves better.

Anyone who works with students and guides them knows how radically their support must change when the student is between 28 and 30 years old. The trainer must take his advice and be filled with dedication and interest, listening and letting go so that the young adult can take the step of moving from "Man know yourself" to "Man know yourself (Mensch erkenne dich - Mensch erkenne dich selbst).

There is another area where, in the midst of other children, the higher being of each child can be illuminated, because it is addressed in the most intimate way. It's at the Sunday service.

Moreover, Camphill's wish to have pedagogical meetings devoted to a particular child, requires – if this meeting is to have any real meaning – a very rigorous application of love-Agape.

It is not easy to describe what influence the mask of love-Agape can have on children. Perhaps it is fair to say that this form of love allows the higher being of the child to incarnate at its best. As Mr. Schmidt Brabant once said, "The incarnation of a disabled person can only socially offer real gifts to humanity when his eternal being is recognized as living within him, here and now."

Here I must draw attention to a misinterpretation of love-Agape that we have in our time. Many young people today have a natural gift of tolerance, allowing the being of the other to remain protected. They seem to be in symbiosis with the other's self and yet, very often, the other's true higher being cannot radiate. One could say with Saint Paul: "Now we see through dark glass, but then we will see face to face." Now I know in bits and pieces, but then I will know just as I myself am known." It is as if the mirror that these young people received as a natural gift had not been cleaned and polished by their own efforts, their own abnegation, their strength of sacrifice. That's why they see only a faint glow; fragments of the ego and fragments of the persona become entangled

How can the educator or the social therapist create in themselves this free space, this space where the Ego is purely altruistic? In the same way as during a meditation, my own Self must be awakened at the very heart of the void that I will have created in my soul. When we put ourselves at the service of Agape, only social conscience can guide us. This form of love is no longer stimulated by my friendship, my interest, my care, my enthusiasm which springs up to create, but only, by the need of other human beings.

Perhaps one might dare to say that where human beings through their inner efforts approach this goal, "Then I will know, as I myself am known," there arises darkness, the Ether of light, indicating the Being of light, the flow of love radiating from Christ.

Translation from English to French by Béatrice Leduc

re-translated by Google translate, April 2023

 

Annelies Bruell, born in Germany in 1927, grew up in Holland where she studied law and the German language; She lived and worked at Campphil in Aberdeen from 1957. One of her responsibilities was the training of educators. She was a member of the Training Group in Curative Pedagogy and Sociotherapy at the Goetheanum;